[16386] in APO-L
Re: Problems with other bros.
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Sven)
Fri Mar 7 20:15:31 1997
Date: Fri, 7 Mar 1997 20:11:42 PST
Reply-To: Sven <asven@JUNO.COM>
From: Sven <asven@JUNO.COM>
To: Multiple recipients of list APO-L <APO-L@VM.CC.PURDUE.EDU>
>OK, I know I just posted something in response to someone wanting to
>leave
>the chapter, but something happened last night that really scared me,
>and
>it makes me almost want to leave my chapter.
Hey, I hear that's the thing to do this week.
>I worked at the Food
>Bank
>last night with 3 brothers in the chapter. After finishing the work,
>the people there let you have snacks and juice.
Snack time can be a traumatic event for some people.
>Well, the juice I
>drank I ended up choking on and I didn't just cough a few times, I
>almost
>died!
Good thing you were coughing. That means you WERE NOT choking.
>Only one of the other brothers there even did anything to help
>me.
Did (s)he give you a napkin?
>The other two didn't do anything and I think they even made fun of me
>after I started hyper-ventilating.
Fortunately, hyperventillation is self-correcting. You see, the patient
either calms down and stops breathing fast, or the patient looses
conscousness and automatically starts breathing correctly. Its a good
thing for you that your brothers DID NOTHING. I've seen people get
everything from plastic bags placed over their heads to wallets shoved
in their mouths. Fortunately, your friends didn't panic, increasing
your psychological emergency's severity.
>I could've died
Yeah, I hear O.J. has become pretty deadly in the last few years.
> and it seems that
>noone would've tried to save me. Now, maybe they didn't know what to
>do.
Except for the laughter, sounds like they performed first aid quite
appropriately.
>I wasn't able to talk and tell them what was wrong until after
>most of the coughing and hyper-ventilation was gone and I was starting
>to recover.
How long did that take? 10 minutes?
>However, I've had a lot of problems with those brothers
>(or
>at least the two of them) ignoring me a lot of the time.
Ahh, the victim-syndrome.
>And these are not the only brothers I have problems with. It seems
>there
>are several brothers that don't seem to want to hang around me and
>don't
>seem to ever listen to what I have to say.
I'm listening. Not all of us brothers ignore each other.
>And I can't just avoid them
>all. Some of them are officers and show up to almost every activity.
>However, I can't leave my chapter because I'm an officer and though
>some
>brothers don't seem to want to be my friends, others are good friends
>and
>I would really be letting them down if I went inactive.
Enjoy the friends you have. Its not necessary to be friends of everyone
to be a good leader. Sometimes the person that acts the rudest toward you is trying to help you.
>I'm going to
>try
>to talk to some of the brothers and see what I can do. Maybe they
>don't
>even realize they are doing this to me.
Have you asked yourself what YOU are doing to THEM?
>I am a bit shy and perhaps
>people
>think I'm boring to hang around since they never take the chance to
>really
>get to know me.
Try forcing a smile on your face. Everytime you see someone, smile. It
gets easier. Eventually, people will think you are a happy person and
feel that you must be fun to be around. Would you want to hang ournd
with someone that is perpetually unhappy?
>Perhaps this happens to other inactive brothers also.
Probably so, but life goes on. If you are a good leader, you can be
friendly toward all, yet understand that not everyone will necessarity
be HAPPY with your decisions. Make the most ethical decisions (according to YOUR moral code, thats why they elected you) and try to keep
smiling. People will respect you for that. If you have respect and
people think you're a generally happy person, people might go out of their way to befriend you.
>And maybe that's part of the reason we can't keep people active very
>easily. So I guess this is sort of a warning to some chapters as well
>as
>a plea for help.
Here's help. I realize you probably don't want to hear it. But
honestly, I hear enough whining from students all day long and don't
need to hear it for a week straight from various brothers on APO-L.
This is not APO-anonamous. What I am telling you is my observation from
the point of view of a teacher with just a few psychology courses and some experience dealing with adolescent emotions and conflicts. The medical
opinions are based on my Biology teacher background and
EMT-Defibrillation training and 6.5 years of experience. I am not a
doctor or psychologist, nor should my statements be construed as coming from a doctor or psychologist. They're just common sense.
>I'm not too sure how to handle this and I want to do
>the
>right thing, so if anyone has suggestions, please lmk.
>(if anyone in my chapter reads this, I think we have some talking to
>do...)
Ever hear the song, "I heard it through the grapevine" ? I HATE finding
out stuff from the rumor mill. Either talk to your chapter, talk to a
confidential advisor (psychologist), or keep it to yourself. Keep in mind, it takes two sides to have a conflict and it takes two sides to make
a friendship. Most people don't like to carry other people around
emotionally. Occassionally you have to get off your butt and do
something about your own state of happiness. Go climb a mountain or
throw a bowling ball.
In leadership, friendship, and service (whether you recognize it or not),
Sven
