[16385] in APO-L
Re: Problems with other bros.
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (Amick Robert)
Fri Mar 7 15:32:39 1997
Date: Fri, 7 Mar 1997 13:31:19 -0700
Reply-To: Amick Robert <amick@spot.Colorado.EDU>
From: Amick Robert <amick@spot.Colorado.EDU>
To: Multiple recipients of list APO-L <APO-L@VM.CC.PURDUE.EDU>
In-Reply-To: <199703071830.LAA26070@spot.Colorado.EDU>
Martin,
This is a frustrating problem, but not one which is irreconcilable, and
certainly not one which should make you leave the chapter. Take the
pro-active stance, and approach them positively and objectively to discuss
the way you felt about their reaction. As you have stated, they probably
did not perceive it be a serious problem simply because they didn't
understand what was actually happening. Sometimes if folks don't know what
to do or say, they simply retreat, giving the appearance of insensitivity.
So perceptions are often inaccurate.
If there are still other communications issues, bring it up to the chapter
executive board at their meeting, to explain the problem.
Having a mediated session with the officers and/or the chapter advisor as
a moderator can often be a very positive and effective way of bringing
such issues to the forum and getting them resolved. It is amazing how many
issues are often found to be "tempests in a teapot" and you laugh about
them afterwards; but at the time they sure seemed to be a "big deal"
because egos and emotions got in the way of objectivity.
Communications in a chapter is often a serious deficit which always needs
improvement. Many assumptions and perceptions are formed that are simply
inaccurate because folks do not have or choose to use the "tools" of
effective communications to try to understand others or their situations.
These of course can be irreparably damaging if not resolved.
One of the biggest problems in many chapters, and for that matter most
organizations in general, is informal communications or "gossip" which
tends to be petty, hurtful, and nearly always inaccurate; and
often results in destructive information being spread. Some folks enjoy
"mind games" because that's how they were "raised" and may not understand
or appreciate the harm invariably caused by such behavior. One parable
expressed it very well, stating that "it is far easier to recover a
thousand feathers thrown into the wind than to repair the damage caused by
hurtful gossip about another person."
Even worse, the "grapevine" if allowed to flourish can progress into the
creation of factions or cliques with "us and them" polarizations. Many
of the "family feuds" which occur are a product of such misinformation.
Obviously the spinoffs of such polarization can be
significantly damaging to individuals and to good chapter operations.
Consider scheduling a workshop with a faculty member or "ombudsman" who is
skilled in interpersonal and group communications and dynamics. This can
be a very informative and revealing presentation for a chapter. Such a
presentation can go a long way in improving awareness, sensitivity,and
providing effective communications "tools" for all the brothers.
Above all, we must value the individual member and make every effort to
ensure that they are welcomed and made to feel that APO is a family
of colleagues. It is important for brothers to really understand that
"Service to the members of the Fraternity" is not just so much print on a
page.
Use the principles of the Fraternity as a "living" document and really
subscribe to and practice those ideals, or much of what APO is about is
not being effectively utilized. The "greatness" of APO lies in
the diversity and unique character of each of the brothers. Everyone is
of value and each has unique skills and talents to contribute. Together
we are synergystic and viable as a group.
No matter how young or old we are chronologically or in spirit, we are
always learning, and hopefully improving; Hence, the sooner such steps are
taken, the more beneficial it becomes to identify and resolve
communications issues early on.
Best wishes to you in L, F, & S
Bob Amick, Advisory Board Chair, Gamma Theta Chapter, University of
Colorado at Boulder
