[16402] in APO-L
Re: Problems with other bros.
daemon@ATHENA.MIT.EDU (The Rogue Scholar)
Mon Mar 10 19:09:58 1997
Date: Mon, 10 Mar 1997 18:07:57 -0600
Reply-To: The Rogue Scholar <macke@HBAR.WUSTL.EDU>
From: The Rogue Scholar <macke@HBAR.WUSTL.EDU>
To: Multiple recipients of list APO-L <APO-L@VM.CC.PURDUE.EDU>
In-Reply-To: <9703101950.AA07610@physics.wustl.edu>
Hello.
Sorry to continue this topic even further, but I have had quite a bit of
experience in this area. The insights I have gained over the past few
years have made a remarkable amount of difference in the way I deal with
other people, and the way in which they deal with me. I hope I can say
something useful that hasn't already been said. This post is not
directed solely at the ones who have posted their problems.
I'll try to be brief.
1. If it seems nobody is reaching out to you, or everyone is ignoring
you, remember that it is a two way street. If you want to be noticed, you
must reach out to others to befriend them. People will react very
positively to a kind word and a "Hello," but they tend to ignore the
wallflowers. It's human nature, not malice. Just like leadership and
service, friendship is not a privilege handed out automatically with the
service pin but a responsibility requiring action.
2. You always have friends. They just aren't always the ones you want
them to be.
3. Sometimes people don't realize what they do is painful, or they don't
have very well-thought-out reasons. Simple discussion goes a long way
toward clearing things up. I once knew somebody (not a brother) who
disliked me very much, and was quite rude on occasion because of it. When
I confronted her and asked her why she disliked me, she could not think of
any reason. It turns out her attitude was based on a fallacious first
impression. Since then, we have become friends.
4. I know it's been said before, but quitting is not the answer. Only in
the event where the situation is unresolvable and has affected your
interactions with the _entire_ organization should it be considered.
5. It's not always the other person who is at fault. Consider if your
actions are causing the problem. If so, do what you can to remedy the
problem.
(By the way, most of my "learning experience" is pre-APO, and thankfully
I have never had any problems with brothers.)
YiL _F_ S,
---Bob Macke
AXcoAPO alum
Alpha Phi chapter active
